Color Struck

In honor of Dr. MLK, Jr. National Holiday, January 16, 2012

“….where my children will no longer be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” MLK, Jr.

Have Black people finally gotten to the point where they no longer judge each other by the color or hue of their skin? Do we see each shades of Blackness in an equal and desirable manner? Sadly, we would all have to say that it is very apparent that lighter-skin is revered and desired more than darker-skin (especially in women). Amongst the members of the African Diaspora globally, the darker brethren are (generally) the least beautified, quantified and qualified.

Houston…we have a problem!

Listening to MLK, Jr. quotes on BET 106 Park music show, the tribute to Dr. King was set to a backdrop of very talented young musicians. The hosts were interspersing King quotes and viewer’s reactions to the King holiday on the show. I was very proud of the show highlighting the contributions of Dr. King. It was wonderful to hear them speak about the shoulders on which they stand. But there was a very disturbing trend amongst the videos being lauded during the music video countdown…

ALL  the Black male videos featured female groupies that were of a different ethnic group (the majority) and the rest very light-skinned Black women; only an occasional drop of dark chocolate. It did not matter whether it was a single woman featured or a huge dance floors filled with “beautiful” women – all were light with long or straight textured hair. Interestingly, just that week I watched a new Black film premiering on a movie channel and I remembered a scene where a mocha-colored man told a dark-skinned, beautiful woman that he “usually don’t do dark-skin women” but he would make an exception for her. She responded by throwing her drink in his face. But what really added psychosis to neurosis was when the “ditzy” white girl paid him some attention at the end of the movie and he looks upward to “thank God” for his change in luck. I know the movie was intentional about sharing this cultural ailment with its audience, but did we learn anything? Did we take enough pause when Chris Rock released his “Good Hair, Bad Hair” parody. Are we still heart-broken over Precious?

The issues of “color inequality” are coming to the forefront of cultural stratification. The persistence of a people suffering from being “color struck” is crying out loudly to be examined and called out for what it is – prejudice, stereotyping, bigotry and racism - and what it is doing to our young, darker children! It is shameful, ignorant and ungodly to continue the perpetuation of seeing and treating others different because of the color of their skin. It is particularly damaging when your own race continues to self-inflict itself. This mentality appears to be becoming an “acceptable norm” and it is considered normal not to see dark-skinned women being embraced, honored, beautified or in any way desired in mainstream mass communications. Dark-skinned women with “big bootys” are continuously the brunt of ugly or undesirable jokes, by their own people. Our young dark-skinned brothers are constantly portrayed as thugs, gang members, con-artists, pimps and felons in all aspects of mass culture. How can we blame a 2012 GOP Presidential candidate for describing our young boys in the following racist manner, “We don’t think a child of 13 should be held as responsible as a man of 23. That’s true for most people, but black males age 13 who have been raised on the streets and who have joined criminal gangs are as big, strong, tough, scary and culpable as any adult, and should be treated as such.” Are we as a people complicit in our silence and shame?

Even some of our most notable celebrities find themselves in the middle of this distressing issue. MSN news tabloid Wonderwall reported on the new cover art for Beyonce’s album “4” commenting:

“Whether or not Beyonce herself is to blame, she sure seems to be a magnet for skin color controversy. New artwork from the singer's album "4" surfaced this week, and her skin (not to mention, that blond hair) appears dramatically lighter than it does in real-life. Although Bey has not yet commented on the growing Web buzz about the image, it's not the first time she's come under fire for the apparent changing color of her skin. In a 2008 L'Oreal campaign, Beyonce's coloring was digitally lightened in post-production. At the time, writer Yasmin Alibhai-Brown wrote in the Daily Mail, that "when black celebrities appear to deny their heritage by trying to make themselves look white, I despair for the youngsters who see those images." Wonderwall, msn.com , 1/17/2012

The question stands, “Are we really addressing the lingering consequences of slavery, Jim Crow as well as the internalized and institutionalized legacy of racism? Are we still ashamed of our ancestry? We are a people who are still trying to marry-up, or lighten our family lines. We want to make sure our children are light-skinned with “good hair”. We are the only people on the planet that still believe that a “watered-down” version of who we are is preferable to the original. We learned our lesson well. In the spring of 2008, Harvard University, Department of Government Professors Jennifer L. Hochschild and Brenna M. Powell wrote a white paper on “Racial Reorganization and the United States Census 1850-1930: Mulattoes, Half-Breeds, Mixed Parentage, Hindoos, and the Mexican Race”. When detailing the 1890 census, they cite that:
“As in 1850, the expansion included more detail on racial mixture. With regard to “color or race,” enumerators’ instructions specified: ‘Be particularly careful to distinguish between blacks, mulattoes, quadroons, and octoroons. The word “black” should be used to describe those persons who have three-fourths or more black blood; “mulatto,” those persons who have from three-eighths to five-eighths black blood; “quadroon,” those persons who have one-fourth black blood; and “octoroon,” those persons who have one-eighth or any trace of black blood.’”

The authors go on to reveal that there were no instructions given as to HOW this was to be determined. I wonder…Ambi skin cream anyone?

We are damaging and in some respects, destroying our young boys and girls born of a darker hue with hair tight&curly in texture. Add other ethnic features such as broader lips, nose, (think Michael Jackson) hips, and ample-behind. It becomes common place for members of our culture that are not mixed enough; to experience the consistent repudiation of those who are (mixed enough). Sadly, many do not recognize this as a dis-ease of self-hate and complicity. Yes, complicit in dishonoring our own magnificent diversity! Still believing the lie that to be “white is right” and continuing to believe all the ignorant stereotypes about dark toned people. And so, agreed upon cultural biases continue to fuel the “need” to buy weaves, eye contacts, nails, sexualized clothing (and behavior), skin lighteners, straightners and cosmetic surgery.

Black people globally need to take the cultural, moral, and spiritual responsibility for the poor self-esteem and self-worth that is being generationally passed down to our children! In addition, the false messages being sent to the “beautiful ones” that they are what they look like and the things they own – by any means necessary!

Every living creature on the planet possesses its own unique, incredible, one-of-a-kind beauty from the Creator. We need to honor this, help everyone embrace their own magnificence and teach all of us to appreciate beauty from the inside-out. See the splendor in all our diversity! Whether white, milk or dark – chocolate is a wonderful thing!!! And remember, most of us grew up with a saying “God don’t like ugly!” I am pretty sure it means an inner thing.

P.S. Perkins

Author and Founder,

Human Communication Institute, LLC

IS ANYBODY HOME OUT THERE? …or death of a planet

I delight in seeing the light-bulbs go off as discussions open mental doors that communication is a skill that can be and must be developed. The conversation always gets personal then professional – “Wow, my mate and I need this or my team could use some help!”  Communication is the major factor in how we are experiencing life and those around us. For 5 plus years, I have engaged in co-building an institute dedicated to the skills of effective communication. Everyday I continue to introduce, share and grow the Human Communication Institute, LLC (HCI). The most common initial question I am asked is “What do you mean human communication?” It’s one of those questions you welcome but also makes you wince when you hear it. I usually succinctly answer, “The research and training of effective interaction between people. What we are doing right now.”

The focus here is that so many, so very many are unaware that communication is the key to how and what they are experiencing in life. It is with amazement that most people approach our practitioners remarking, “Can you really make money doing that!”

Riddle: What can create a computer chip, is as invisible but more visible than the wind and able to defeat dynasties in a single dose?

COMMUNICATION!

 I sit here in the recent after-math of: U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Gifford’s shooting and mass killing in Arizona, the latest fatal school shooting in Omaha, Nebraska, stalled and violent elections in Republic of Côte d'Ivoire, headless murders in Acapulco, Mexico, Southern Sudan’s possible succession, global terrorism and the list remains endless, all the while being questioned daily about the “importance” of communication training.

Is anybody home out there?

About a decade ago, it began to dawn on me that there was something vastly missing in the socialization processes – “growing up” was missing a vital tool of instruction that most of my eager college students came to class greatly unaware of.  Countless “older” students were experiencing the information in the Human Communication classes as “never heard of, where has this been” information important to life! Classes on self-talk, interpersonal conflict, empathetic listening, small group effectiveness, cross-cultural communication, nonverbal communication, the list goes on. All of these tools were locked up behind the walls of academia. These “adults” already well on their way to LIFE wanted to know why they were just learning these tools vital to a good marriage, healthy childrearing, personal and professional success? Surely, their caretakers must have understood the important role of communication in preparing them for life – all of it!

In 2005, the Human Communication Institute, LLC was born to answer this need. So you may be wondering why I have time to write these blogs/articles and chew the fat with you while the world is going to “hell in a hand basket”?  

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!

P.S. Perkins, Founder

Human Communication Institute, LLC

www.hci-global.com

"YOU take YOU wherever YOU go!"

All around us, people are waking up to the wisdom and understanding that most of what is being experienced in their lives is coming from their own mental, emotional, physical and spiritual creation. The TRUTH is your circumstances are being created by the way you are thinking. Yes, the old “positive thinking” tricks…or is it?

As a Man thinketh, so is he.

You will reap what you sow; what are you sowing?

It is not what goes into a man that defiles a man, but what comes out of him.

Thoughts are mental units of energy that materialize.

Every deed is first known as thought.

PERception is PERsonal.

How does the truth about you relate to your relationships?

If you take you wherever you go, then what have you brought to the table? Who are you: your likes, dislikes, personality, habits, beliefs, and customs?

The person sitting right across from you ALSO brought all of their “stuff” to the table.

How can two or more people navigate this very vital, influential FACT about creating partnerships?

YOU MUST:

MAKE ROOM FOR THE OTHER PERSON’S REALITY!

   Begin the journey of self-examination.

                                                       www.hci-global.com

Résilience

a cry for Haiti

Once fertile valleys of magnificent mahogany surrounded by curvaceous mountains lying beyond vast oceans of darkness; Haiti your beauty belies the tragedy of plunder torn asunder by exploitation and greed.

Rising like the phoenix out of ruins of corrupt conquests of conquistadors to claim your rightful place among humanity deciding its fate; no more auction block for thee!

A testimony to the price of self-determination levied on the scarred backs of brave warriors witnessing to the world; African and Arawak (now deceased)leading righteous revolts.

“Unity makes Strength, L'Union Fait La Force”, your cry of endurance never broken as they toss guilt-ridden tokens of admission and denial at you mud caked feet; all the while interfering in your sovereignty.

And now the weight of nature brings forth its waves, shakes and tremors of release felt deep in every soul; women and men of the African Diaspora,once again fortitude calls you forth.

Hold tight your resilience, your spiritual strength. Hearken! Your recompense is nigh; for the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Hold on Haiti, Hold on! The Promised Land is near!

P.S. Perkins

www.hci-global.com

Good Hair, Bad Hair, et al.

Do you have good hair? Straight hair? Bad hair? Nappy Hair? Wavy hair? Does it make a difference? According to our culture it does! Preference is an interesting word….Some people cry out against “special preference” given to others while they themselves have experienced preferential status all their lives. Maybe they were tall enough, light enough, smart enough, rich enough, male enough, and the lists of preferences goes on. It’s in the language that we label, categorize, stereotype, prejudice, prefer. The image of straight hair is clear in your mind along with its connotations of place in society. You understand its label, category, stereotype, prejudice, preference as well as the characteristics of its “antithesis” nappy hair. However, anyone using their common sense knows, good hair is healthy hair and bad hair is unhealthy hair which of course has nothing to do with the curl of the hair. But beauty does. And we have ascribed certain traits (words) to beauty.

Language and culture create a shared meaning. Some labels are so toxic they induce self-hate. How can you love something called “bad hair”? Some words are supposed to evoke envy such as thin and rich. Language strongly influences reality. (Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, 1920, 1959, 2008). The words being used are the ones that are creating the realities we are living. Why would Black Women of all spheres of Black life invest in “taming” their hair into culturally accepted European styles? Maybe they do not want to be seen as having bad hair.

Yes, I am a survivor of the language of oppression and its deep scars that have tried to rip my self-esteem and self-worth asunder. I survive to spread the words of conscious acceptance or rejection choosing to create a new vocabulary of empowerment. Let’s take this “insightful” moment as an opportunity to have a deeper discussion about WORDS and their power. Movies like “Good Hair” and “Precious” are trying to have a serious dialogue with us on far deeper levels than most feel comfortable acknowledging. Maybe its time for a new language; maybe its time to choose different words. We can make different choices – we can use our words to heal, uplift and create inclusive beauty – its all in what we say and it’s always your choice!

By P.S. Perkins, Author, The Art and Science of Communication, Wiley, 2008

Communication Positioning

Welcome to Dear PS,

This edition is guaranteed to help bring communication to the forefront of your life. Enjoy, grow and Pass It On!

Millions use or have at least heard of Global Positioning System (GPS) that helps drivers navigate through the highways and byways of life. Yes, GPS has its definite benefits but what about YCP, Your Communication Positioning? GPS may provide directions from A to B but your communication positioning is the guiding force of all your relationships – personal, social and professional. It’s time to turn on Your Communication Positioning navigation system.


All new “equipment’ comes with guidelines and a manual of operation. So what is YCP and how does it work? Every individual is consciously and/or subconsciously aware of and operating within their perceived communication position. It is the position of power and acceptance they perceive themselves to have within a communication experience or environment. Have you ever noticed that you feel and respond to people you interact with based on how you perceive yourself in connection to them? We live in a culture where we are constantly taught to compare ourselves to one another – we engage daily in social comparisons. Our self-worth or value is the measurement we consciously and subconsciously position ourselves within whenever we are engaged in communication with self and others. So, whether it is our Intrapersonal, Nonverbal, Interpersonal, Small Group, Public, Persuasive or Intercultural communication experiences, we are ALWAYS transmitting and responding within our perceived worth. How you doin’?


Your level of self-esteem and self-worth directly impact your communication effectiveness and success. As you encounter and interact within your daily communication experiences understanding the volatility of communication positioning allows the effective deliverer to communicate in greater awareness and thus greater effectiveness to achieve desired goals.

Dear PS writes:

The Politics of WORDS

WORDS! WORDS! And more WORDS!

Since the 2008 Presidential election, many of us have watched and listened with increasing incredulity to the vitriolic communication capturing the nation’s headlines. Much of the communication sounds and feels reminiscent of pre/post reconstruction and civil rights era rhetoric as factions divided and closed ranks around their individual interests. “Why can’t we all just get along” is still the cry of peace in 2009. I have been shocked and highly concerned about the manner in which some have decided to use their 2nd Amendment rights to vilify the current President of the United States and reconstruct change into fear, fright and the will to fight!

Maybe you missed some of the most controversial statements:
(The names have been left out to protect the not so innocent)

“President Barak HUSSEIN Obama is a racist. He hates white people.”

“You lie!”

“President Obama is a socialist, commie!”

“Yes, I meant what I said, I hope he fails!”

“Well, I think white men were 100 percent of the people that wrote the Constitution, 100 percent of the people that signed the Declaration of Independence, 100 percent of people who died at Gettysburg and Vicksburg. Probably close to 100 percent of the people who died at Normandy. This has been a country built basically by white folks in this country who are 90 percent of the entire nation-in 1960…”

Add to these words the thousands of news photos showing signs and pictures of the President with the recognizable Hitler mustache, devil horns, and a bone through his nose, as well as individuals attending his rallies toting guns…it’s a little more than out of control wouldn’t you say? And to add hurt to injury, many of these individuals purport to be devoutly religious.

WORDS! WORDS! And more WORDS!

So where are the voices of reason, sanity and civility? I have always been taught “out of the heart, the mouth speaks”. Well, my heart as well as my passion for communication that heals, tells me that I must write and speak out against this revisionist, anarchist and racist hate mongering SPEECH! It’s time to have a dialogue about the importance and effects of communication on our collective lives…one long over due in the American psyche. We are and will continue to be a nation divided by the color line until a critical number of us care more for the future of our children and our nation than we care about protecting our personal past or our particular present!

A large majority of American people elected a President of impeccable character, ability and compassion who brings with him the distinctive characteristic of being of mixed race, though having always self-identified as African American. In my lifetime, I have lived through Jim-crow (as a young child growing up in the south) and the civil rights movement. I have been labeled the “N” word, colored, Negro, black, African American and a person of color. The “labels” that have often eluded me and my ancestors have been those of: pioneer, scientist, city planner, clock maker, revolutionary, doctor, nurse, scholar, pastor, poet, abolitionist, soldier, astronomer, botanist, politician, inventor, etc., etc., etc....and all these BEFORE the end of slavery.

Fast forward 146 years later and the President of the United States is labeled an “illegal alien” by the crazed “birther movement” as well as the other dreaded “N” word - Nazi. Yes, it is enough to make you cry…and I have. I have cried for the millions of young American boys and girls who have to keep reliving a horrible past that refuses to be healed. If we do not use our voices to silence the forces of hate and fear, we are indeed conspirators to their misguided deeds! Our children deserve much better and so does the legacy of millions of Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans and other ethnic groups who have TOGETHER built America.

In spite of the refusal of some to acknowledge the contributions of all the cultures that have made this great nation, we have: the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice, the first Black Attorney General of the United States, the 2nd female Secretary of State, and the first African American President! There is a lot to celebrate, reflect upon and be thankful for, but let us not forget – there is work to do before we can proudly pass onto our children a nation that truly practices its declaration “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men {people} are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…” These are WORDS that act as the true moral compass of our nation. Are your words meant to heal or to kill? Are you speaking your truth? Let’s hear it; I am silent and ready to listen. There is no coincidence that both words have the exact same letters. You must be silent, inside and out, long enough to listen. Let the communication begin!